Four Kids Should Never Be This Easy

We had a friend over this morning and it was perfectly blissful. The kids played superbly and there was barely any fighting, grabbing or arguing. He lulled me into a false sense of confidence that we could totally manage another.

Bean adored him and really took initiative in bringing him toys. I hope we didn't overwhelm him.

Mei was like his shadow a lot.

He was such a great sharer!

Obviously his mom takes a lot of pictures. My kids never look at the camera. Omigosh, look how cute they both are with their lovies!

We headed upstairs to read. The two of them loved when I made an elephant sound. You can see him pointing to an elephant now, which I think he called "fin." I think I might have also taught him to say "spi" for spider. His parents will need to confirm that.

We put Mei down for a nap, and I asked if they wanted to give kisses. I love her little grin after she gets one. Toddlers are so delicious!

Back to playing with the big boys after Mei went down. They are making a blueberry pie...obviously.

He stayed for lunch and liked my cooking too, so he's a keeper. We're looking forward to having him and maybe his siblings over again soon!

Bean Logic: Faith and Feminism

Yesterday:

Me: Martin (Luther King) and Rosa (Parks) worked together
Bean: Martin organized a boycott and Rosa organized a girlcott.

I corrected him on that one.

Bean: I'm going to name my child something from the Bible. I'm going to name one of my kids "Sampson, the strongest man in the world. And I'm going to name one of my kids "Jesus."

Tey: Noooo, that's not right.

Me: [silent giggles]

Today:

Me: Today is International Day of Women. People all over the world are celebrating great things that what women have done. Can you think of any great women? [Hoping he'll say, "You, mom!"]

Bean: God. He is the best woman in the world. He can be a he or a she.
Me: Who told you that?
Bean: I don't know?
Me: Then why do people call God a "he" so much?
Bean: I don't know.
Honestly, I don't remember ever talking about God's gender, but I love playing devil's advocate with him. I assume he's going to get it much worse from other people, so I better give him practice, and a taste of his own medicine.

Weekend Update: Read Across American and March of the Penguins

We took the kids on a couple "adventures" this Saturday. Yes, we called them that.

Read across America was our first stop. We debated whether or not to take Bean because he might be bored, but he actually liked it. We got there near the tail end, so it was not as crowded and we got to do what we wanted for as long as we wanted. Running from activity to activity to earn stickers to get a book really stresses me out. Instead, we spent a lot of time at a booth that taught about dental hygiene where Mei brushed teeth (one of her favorite activities), Tey played a letter game to make words (which we've been working on lately), and Bean read a Berenstain Bears book about going to the debtinst (boy does this kid love Berenstain Bears). This woman even agreed to read our kids a "long" story from Aesop's Fables (our kids have been enjoying those at home) though she seemed hesitant at first. We did stop at several other booths and we got enough stickers to earn books for each of the kids too. 

Next we went to a March of the Penguins event at the Orpheum Children's Museum. We bought a family membership, so now I really need to take the kids more often to make it worth it.

Bean petting a taxidermy penguin

Bean showing that he's almost as tell as an emperor penguin

Tey matching baby penguins to their mommies based on their call

Tey waddling with a baby penguin (which is supposed to be on his feet)

Tey used this to dive into the ocean in search of krill and small fish. He always emerged with a good catch.

Both the boys participated in all the activities they had set up for the event. I know they had fun, but hopefully they learned some stuff too. Here's one just for fun, Tey jumping on little icebergs.

We'll have to watch March of the Penguins with them again. They liked it the first time, but that was a while ago.

What was Mei doing all this time? Mostly running around, She's gotten speedy! She and I spent a good amount of time in their kitchen area and she made me a pan of cookies. I didn't even show her how to do this, but she just started lining them up...

until the whole tray was covered then she put in in my lap. Looks like we have another little chef!

I was surprised that when it was all over and I said it was time to go, Tey asked what our next "adventure" was and I told him "naptime" and he was cool with that. I think he was beat too!

The Candy Mom Can

Tey gave a gift of experience to Bean this Christmas instead of buying another thing to add to the clutter of the house and to our Chrismas carbon footprint. We had just finished reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so when I saw that Champaign Park District was putting it on at the Virginia Theater, I suggested it as a gift he could give Bean. I gave him some other ideas too but I don't remember what they are. So, after almost 3 months of anxiously waiting until March, tonight was Willy Wonka day!

You could taste the excitement!

The boys outside Virginia Theater

Their review during intermission. Sorry for the darkness. 

An usher teaching Bean about the orchestra pit

Me and my Tey exchanging words of love. Fact: intermission is always the perfect time to tell your date how much you love them.

A twitter friend of mine has a daughter (the Candy Man, er, Woman) in the show and seriously, she was the best. I don't think I am biased. Both the boys also thought she had the best voice and best costume. We met her after the show to tell her good job and went around to several other cast members as well.

Want to know that the kids told me in their own words?

Tey's narration of the event:

"We sat, of course. We watched the show. The candy man was singing. The candy man was singing the best at the show. Willy Wonka gave all his stuff to someone else."

Bean's original narration of the event while I typed:

"I remember that lights turned on and off and curtains opened and closed. Charlie got a golden ticket. Veruca Salt a golden ticket. Augusta Gloop got a golden ticket. Mike got a golden ticket. Violet got a golden ticket. And Veruca Salt, Agusta Gloop, Mike, got in trouble. But, Charlie got Willy Wonka’s hat and walking stick. We sat the whole time. We watched the whole time. And Charlie also got Willy Wonka’s whole chocolate factory. The end."

After I showed it to him we went through an editing process where I tried to teach him about removing repetition and grouping similar thoughts. Here is his finished report:

"I remember that lights turned on and off and curtains opened and closed. We sat the whole time and we watched until the very end. Veruca, Agusta, Charlie, Violet and Mike each got their very own golden ticket. Everyone got in trouble, except Charlie got rewarded with Willy Wonka’s hat, walking stick and his whole chocolate factory. The end. Do you ever think you’ll be going to Willy Wonka?"

I loved the creativity as he added more detail and flair the second time around. His improvements were better than I expected too. For example, for "We sat the whole time. We watched the whole time," I encouraged him to combine the sentences and remove the repetition. I thought he might say "We sat and watched the whole time," which is how I remember learning in school. He came up with an even better sentence that has his own Bean flavor, "We sat the whole time and we watched until the very end." 

The candy mom can cuz she mixes it with love and makes the world taste good!

Evidence of Tae Kwon Do

A couple weeks ago, a friend requested to see pics of Bean in his Tae Kwon Do uniform, but sadly I had none. I'm horrible at taking pictures regularly because I honestly don't think about it. When I do think about it one or more of the following situations seem to plague me: 1) I don't have the camera with me, 2) I can't seem to find the camera, 3) the batteries aren't charged, 4) the memory card is full. So, although Bean has been taking lessons since December, this is the first I have ever documented it. Doesn't he look so serious?


He takes classes at a local academy that focuses on the form and art of Tae Kwon Do and not the competitive sport. I was extremely impressed by Master Hyong who established the academy, his experience, and how he was able to connect with Bean immediately. The academy's emphasis on the philosophy of Moo Do, the art of living seemed like it would be a good addition to homeschooling. In fact, the sessions he attends is composed of homeschooled children and their families.

As of now, he is the youngest in his class and the lowest in rank. This is actually a good reminder to him that he doesn't know it all and he has much to learn from others. It's been amazing how his focus and stamina have increaed. When he first started he'd have to sit out periodically because he was tired, but now he is practicing the whole hour. He has also grown in respect for others. They use the entire class as teachers, so he's been taught by grown adults, to kids just a couple years older than him. About a month ago he tested the waters as far as not listening and doing his own thing, but hopefully that seems to have passed. Today Master Hyong came into the observation area to give me a high-five and tell me that Bean was making great improvements and we were doing a good job. Yay!

So here is some footage. This time the class was split by age, so the parents and Master Hyong were on the other side of the room. This instructor teaches Bean about as often as Master Hyong does, and he is great with Bean. They are doing warm-ups, triple punches to be exact. 

Here he is reviewing his White Belt Poomsae. I honestly don't know exactly what that is, but it seems to be a series of moves of basic blocks, kicks, punches and stances. It's kind of like yoga poses that you practice over and over again. The point is not to just do them but execute them as best you can in order to gain a greater awareness of yourself and to increase focus. 

Being Good

Bean isn't a "good kid" and I'm not embarrassed anymore to acknowledge it.

Really, there's no confession needed because it's pretty obvious. Anyone who's been around him for even a short period of time, especially in a position of either authority (teacher, older relative, babysitter) or equals (friends, classmates, peers) has likely dealt first-hand with some of his challenges of impulsivity, attention-seeking, stubbornness and/or listening.

On multiple occasions, in multiple settings, by multiple children telling me about Bean's wrong behavior, it has become clear to me that they identify him as "the bad kid." About year ago I began to wonder if his friends at school might have been giving him that impression too (they certainly were giving me that impression). My hunch was confirmed a couple weeks ago when he told me that when he was in school he was "a bad kid," but now he's not anymore.

Bo and I rarely use "good" or "bad" to describe anything, definitely not our children. First off, those words are pretty vague and you always need additional words to describe what you really think anyway. When we discipline, we instead try to use different qualifiers to describe the choices, words, and actions of our children, not our children themselves, and then we relate it to the associated consequences. In addition, we try to express our optimism that anyone can make their wrongs right and they can start making more right choices more often (we especially do this when they are talking about "bad guys"). Lastly, if you know Bean, you also now how important it is that we remind him that it is not his responsibility to correct the behaviors of others, but just set the best example he can be.

Thankfully we are past the point where Bean believes the lie that's he's a bad kid. He came to this conclusion on his own too. I hadn't even realized the extent to which he believed it or else I might have tried more intentionally to convince him otherwise (though I doubt it would have made a difference). Right now I'm wresting with how important it is for me to help him be a "good kid" and if that should even be a goal at all.

I'm thinking it's not.

Certainly obedience in children is convenient for adults, especially when dealing with groups of children, like in a school setting. But, as Daron Quinlan said, "Disobedience is not an issue if obedience is not the goal." Think of any influential person in history. Where they obedient? None of the historical figures we've learned about recently in our homeschool were obedient. Galileo? Nope. He was a heretic, remember? Martin Luther King, Jr.? Not him either. He lead thousands in civil DISOBEDIENCE.

As a Christian, I do, however, want my children to be obedient to God's will.

Bean heart is probably more genuinely aligned w God's will than mine is. He more desperately seeks after God by reading the Bible to learn more about God. I don't ask him to read the Bible; he does it on his own and for long stretches of time too. Earlier this week when he was going to his grandparents' house for the night I reminded him to pack books to read. He packed his Bible among a handful other books. I didn't even know until we got there and I unpacked. He has a passion for prayer and for others. He will stop whatever he is doing to pray if he hears someone is ill or injured. Just this morning in the van he wanted to lead us in prayer when I told the kids that two of our friends were in a terrible accident earlier. He has a sense of social justice and generosity that I wish I had. He has two banks at home one for him and one for Heifer. His bank is empty, but the one for Heifer has every cent he's earned since the beginning of the year. "How can I think about buying something for myself when some people don't even have food?" he said yesterday.

All of this and his peers think he is a bad kid, yet yesterday a friend told me I was "good" because I had planned to do something charitable. Planned. I hadn't even gotten the courage to actually follow though on it. I have been dragging my feet about it, being completely disobedient to God's clear calling because of fear of how it would inconvenience me.

What Bean does in private is his of his own honest heart. A lot of what he does in public is to get attention. Isn't that backwards for most adults? We do "good" publicly to make it look like we are good people even if are intentions aren't pure. I know I can be guilty of that.

So as a parent of a child who Bean has probably hurt, or a children's ministry teacher of his who he's likely ignored, please forgive him. Please be patient with us as I try to teach him proper social behaviors. But also know that I'm not going to demand automatic obedience from him. Charlotte Mason reminds us, "Obedience is valuable only insofar as it helps the child towards making himself do that which he knows he ought to do. Every effort of obedience which does not give him a sense of conquest over his own inclinations, helps enslave him." From what I can tell, Bean has a natural obedience thing budding with God privately. I'm going to use that as a foundation to help him have better real life interactions with others. It's going to take longer, but I'm hopeful that it will have more long-term positive effects than me trying to teach him to just be a "good kid."

She's a Vegetarian

For Lent, I'm giving up meat. It was kind of a spur of the moment idea. Lent crept up on me and I hadn't given it much thought. I had been thinking however about the need for our family to be more conscious of the food that enters our body and the bigger reasons about why.

I have a growing guilty feeling of eating meat and the toll that it takes on this Earth that God created for us to live on and to protect. I feel worse if our meat's not local and instead factory farmed somewhere miles from here. I feel horrible for people who have to labor in risky conditions to provide me that meat. There are many other reason, but basically I want to reduce my family's consumption of meat.

The kids haven't noticed yet. I expected Bean to first realize it because he has recently been proclaiming his love of meat. I think it makes him feel ferocious. Anyway, I've been experimenting with some new recipes with mixed results. The most well received so far has been a curry egg salad with sunflower seeds. I used greek yogurt instead of mayo because I despise cooking with mayo. So mom, no need to worry about our protein intake. We had 1) eggs, 2) sunflower seeds, 3) Greek yogurt on 4) a whole grain tortilla. I felt even better about it cuz we had a three veggies too, choppd celery in the egg salad, wrapped in romaine lettuce leaves (then in the tortilla) and a size of raw carrot. All those were organic too, which addresses many of the reasons to go meatless too. It tasted great and was visually appetizing. I'll have to get a picture sometime.

This week we also tried these salmon bites. Tey nibbled about it, but the rest of us devoured them. Bo wasn't home for lunch so he didn't get to try. But, the day before he made this curry rice sans potatoes because no one in our house like those. Bean picked at this dish, but the rest of us really liked it. Bean generally doesn't like rice, nor Tey, but it is growing on Tey. In general Bean licks his plate clean, literally, if I let him.

This coming week, new recipes I'm planning on making homemade are black bean soup and also some sort of veggie pancakes. If anyone has favorite meatless recipes to share, I'd love to hear recommendations.

For lent, I'm also randomly reading some of Paul's letters in my quiet time. I've always admired Paul's writing. Really, he's a fantastic writer as was Luke. So I've been thinking: it's crazy how he can be so full of praise even when in jail. He's doing God's will and can see God's hand at work even in the greatest of hardships. I'm so very humbled because at times I feel like I deserve something from God because I am following his calling on my life. I feel like I'm making sacrifices, so should earn something in return, right? Those thoughts of entitlement quickly get swept away when I reflect on the challenges Paul faced in his ministry and his worshipful heart in all of it. Oh if I could have an attitude of gratitude instead of entitlement.