My Baby Will Always be My Baby

Mei Mei turned 1 this week. Let's be clear. She is not a toddler. She is not even walking yet. She is now and ever will be MY BABY!  

Here's a little bit about her:

Favorite Book: Charlie Parker Plays Be Bop (she brings me the book and rocks side to side so we can sing/read it)

Favorite Song: Bringing Home a Baby Bumble Bee (she puts her hands together and swings them from side to side)

First Words: "More" (especially when eating), "Thank you" (when we play a giving game), "Uh-oh" (when she drops toys out of the bathtub).

Favorite Food: Anything with meat in it, anything with a lot of flavor (especially grandma's cooking).

Dislikes: Getting my nose wiped, when people take toys out of my mouth

Favorites: Splashing in the bath, hugging and laughing with my big brothers

What calms me: sucking my thumb (at night time I do that and rub the ribbons of my dolly too)

Aspirations for the next year of life: walking, switching to a toddler bed, and having my first taste of chocolate (my parents are kinda health-freaks)

Christopher Columbus Would Have Put Me in Track 2

I spent my first nine years of my formal education at a Catholic grade school, in a fairly well-to-do neighborhood, where I was the only student of color in my class until 5th grade. That was when my school absorbed students from three other  parochial schools in the area while their schools of smaller enrollment closed their doors. I remember that a big stink was raised by some in our school about bringing in these other students and part of me now wonders if it was because of the diversity that they represented. 

That year, we welcomed about five new students into my class, 3 of which were tracked into "Track 2," almost doubling its size. This track, which included myself, had lower expectations for academic achievement and also set students on a trajectory for more technical education and then skilled labor. I was not being challenged academically nor was I applying myself. I remember Track 2 not being a good fit, especially once I realized what the difference was between the two groups. I wanted to be in the more challenging track and began actually applying myself academically. By 6th grade, my school allowed me to move into Track 1. My situation, however, was a rare case because generally students stayed in their track through junior high, which then followed them into high school and beyond.

Critically looking back at the situation, Track 1 and 2 were almost completely demarcated along racial and economic lines (based on my knowledge of students' residence in certain parts of certain neighborhoods, my proxy for family income). Students of color and/or those of limited means were in Track 2. I can't think of anyone from these groups who was in Track 1. Whether or not this was intentional by my school is a minor question I have, but more importantly that trend is yet another example to me of the systematic prejudice that exists about abilities of certain groups of people. And for that, it's harder to point a finger of responsibility. 

At least in the States, many prejudices that exist today can be traced back Octotber 12th, 1492.

"...they [Natives] are the color of the Canarians, neither black nor white...They should be good servants and intelligent, for I observed that they quickly took in what was said to them, and I believe that they would easily be made Christians, as it appeared to me that they had no religion. I, our Lord being pleased, will take hence, at the time of my departure, six natives for your Highnesses." (Recorded in Columbus' journal on October 12th, 1492)

The day Christopher Columbus first meets the indigenous people of this land, his first thoughts are of their value as servants and his immediate plans are to take six of them back with him to give to the King. Just imagine how things in the States would have been different if the Americas were "rediscovered" by someone who did not believe in the intrinsic supremacy of wealthy, educated, White, male Catholics (and Christians).

There is a clear link between Columbus' interactions with Native Americans and how I was tracked in grammar school. Tracking doesn't exist to address students' individual learning needs for their own self-betterment through education. If it were for that reason, we'd see more fluidity among the tracks and greater diversity within the tracks. Tracking would be based on assessment and not prescription. Students would also be educated about the implications of being in certain tracks and would have more freedom to chose a track for themselves (even if it meant demonstrating their fit in that identified track).

No, to me it seems that much of the inequality that exists in education is necessary to sustain a hierarchy for the powerful to remain in power. The lower classes are therefore educated only so much as to make them intelligent servants to those in power. In this country that hierarchy began the day that Cristobal Colon set foot on this land.

So, I encourage you to "Reconsider Columbus Day."

"Reconsider Columbus Day" PSA from Carlos Germosen on Vimeo.

There are many Columbus critics out there, and this in example of a fairly reputable one, but nothing can beat one's own deep investigation of primary sources. Eventually with the kids at homeschool, I plan to read through more of Columbus' journal to better understand his thoughts and feelings from his own words and to contextualize it in history. One of the major attractions of homeschooling is teaching history from a more culturally relevant perspective. This weekend we got a bunch a free books from a local library and I purposefully avoided any history or social studies books because as the saying goes "history is written by the victors." I want to make sure my kids are learning a more balanced account of history. I want to place more emphasis on the struggles and the resilience of those who were and are marginalized because in some situations (like with my tracking), I'd count myself as part of that group. 

Too Quick to Judge

"Are these clean?," Tey asked as he reached for a spoon from the dishwasher at one breakfast last week. After placing it at his spot at the table, I saw him headed back to the dishwasher and grabbing for more silverware. I assumed the worse. He's getting his grubby hands all over on my clean dishes! He's gonna try to get a fork to see how that works for eating cereal! He's gonna make a mess! He should just be sitting and eating! "Tey, what are you doing?" I asked in an accusatory tone. "Putting away the clean dishes," he replied innocently. I proceeded to lay on the appreciation for taking initiative in helping to keep our house clean.

by Neilochka

Why did I not expect better from him? Why did I assume he was going to inconvenience me with a mess? Would that have been such an inconvenience anyway...like I couldn't have just asked him to help clean up the mess later? That too would have been a great teachable moment, and lately I seem to be trying to avoid those instead of taking advantage of them.

This morning I was helping Bean cut his nails in the bathroom while Tey and Mei Mei were in her room playing. Right when I finish cutting the last toe, Bean asked me read a book to him and then I heard Mei Mei starting to fuss. "Not just yet," I said, "it sounds like your sister needs some rescuing from Tey." I walked into the room ready to talk Tey about taking toys from his sister, remind him to use gentle touches, etc. I saw him holding her head with one hand, his other hand in her face as, and she was wiggling to get free while growing more and more frustrated. After closer examination, I realized he was wiping her snotty nose with a tissue. Again, I thank Tey for taking initiative and helping his little sister.

I'm embarrassed to admit that I am too quick to judge my kids' behaviors for the worst. It's so discouraging when the tables are turned and someone does that to me. It really, really, REALLY bothers me. So, I feel awful that I do that with my own kids who, more often than not, are just trying to help. I don't even know how that has become my assumption. But no more!

With this post, I'm promising to change my perspective. I believe our kids will eventually fulfill our communicated expectations, whatever positive or negative. If we are quick to accuse, to blame, to assume, then we're setting them up for failure. I'm going to assume the best of their intentions and I think it will make a huge difference in the long run for them, but mostly for my own attitude. I know I need to lighten up a bit going into this homeschooling thing, and this is a good first step.

Waving the White Collared Shirt

I remember when this article was written 8 years ago about the so-called "Opt Out Revolution." My master's thesis that I wrote the summer later saught out to shed more light on the topic from college students' perspectives. At the time even though I wasn't yet married, the question was frequently on my mind: "Would I leave the work force when I had little ones?" No. Not me. Or so I thought.

Today I resigned my dream job after being employed there for almost 2 years. It was the first job I got after I finished my PhD and has been the only job I've ever wanted. I still can't imagine doing anything else for pay except this job. Given recent circumstances, however, it is no longer the ideal fit for me that it once was.

My kids need me more than ever and I too want to be a bigger part of their lives. There just simply is no way to do this in my current position. I felt like I was giving it my all at work, which to a certain extent I really enjoyed. Personal satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment of doing a good job are huge benefits for my being employed. Thankfully DH has always been supportive of my educational and professional pursuits, as lofty has they have been and despite the sacrifices he has had to make while I go full speed ahead. But there comes a point when such benefits do not outweigh the costs of being employed, as backwards as that sounds. I have been shouldering a lot of responsibility at work, which I felt was under-appreciated (or at least differently appreciated than they way I want to be appreciated). Raises, future earning power, upward mobility and promotions (even if promised, which they aren't) that an employer can offer for a job well-done really have minimal value to me. So while I got a relatively good raise, it did not compensate (and no amount allowed in the budget ever could compensate) the cost to me and my family of my being employed. I was also expected to take on more responsibility at work. When? How? I most certainly would have to take time and energy away from my family, which I couldn't do and be the mom and wife I want to be.

In the end, I just want to know that I can make a difference. Despite lacking skill, experience, training and patience, I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to make a difference in my family's life while homeschooling. All I need is an "I love you," every once in a while and I'm set! DH sent me a message right after I resigned saying that he was proud of me and my just heart melted.

Tonight I also went to a lecture on this book "Glass Ceilings and 100 - Hours Couples" (I know, perfect timing, right?) and the authors said no mother they interviewed who opted out regretted it (yet). I, as well, doubt I'll regret spending more time with my kids, though I might more frequently need an alcoholic beverage :). When I again decide to  reengage in the work wars, I'm fairly certain that my time out will translate into lower status and earning potential in the long-run, but I'm willing to take those hits and resulting battle wounds. At this point, I surrender and just want peace.

"Do not work for food that perishes but for food that lasts for eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you, because the God the Father has set his seal on him." John 6:27

Singapore Math

For math, we are going to try Singapore's math approach. Undoubtedly, they lead the world in mathematics competence at the grade school level. But in all honesty, I could care less about who does better on standardized tests. Testing is not real life, nor practical.

DH and I heard, read, and watched good things about Singapore's philosophy and practice. Their Ministry of Education's rationale for mathematics instruction aligns very well with our approach to the subject:

"Mathematics is an excellent vehicle for the development and improvement of a person’s intellectual competence in logical reasoning, spatial visualisation, analysis and abstract thought. Students develop  numeracy, reasoning, thinking skills, and problem solving skills through the learning and application of mathematics. These are valued not only in science and technology, but also in everyday living and in the workplace."

This review breaks down the general topics for each grade level and gives some other details. Their method of instruction differs greatly from the typical American (Saxon) method taught in most classrooms, but because my kids will not know otherwise, I think this will be an easier and more logical approach. It's more like how I remember my mom teaching me math when I was little with understanding of how numbers work, remembering tricks of manipulating numbers, and not just memorization (though she drilled me on that too).

I am concerned with the format of the typical Singapore curriculum because it uses workbooks and Bean at times can loathe writing, though he can do it legibly. I have two tentative solutions. One is to do it more orally and the other is to buy a number stamp set so he can stamp the numbers and then trace them. Most importantly, I want him to have a love of learning and a basic grasp of math. I'm willing to forgo the battle of writing for a little bit, and then gradually I'll have him do it more and more. Tey is an amazing writer already at just under 3.5 years old, so I am less concerned about him with that. I'll work on this number recognition, sequencing, understanding quantity etc. and then ease him into Singapore.

So we've purchased the curriculum, which at this point I'm thinking will likely be our only one or one of few subjects that resembles a typical school-like approach to a subject (with a textbook and my teaching the material). I anticipate that more of our time we will be using math more practically: measuring while cooking, figuring out how much more money we need to buy something from the store, etc. With other subjects, I'm exploring other approaches, but that is for another post.

Adventures in Home Schooling

Over the past week and a half we've arrived at the decision to home school. If you know DH and I, you know that we never commit to anything without really thinking and praying about it for a looooong time (which is why we dated for so long that my mom was convinced we would never get married). Anyway, we've had home school on our mind for a little while but not very seriously until recently. Some events over the past weeks to months have confirmed that this is the next best step for our entire family.  We don't have all the logistics figured out so prayers are much appreciated. I anticipate a period of transition of us adjusting to this next chapter in our lives, which I hope to document here as best I can. Welcome to the ride.

She Works Hard for the Money...eh, eh...eh, eh

Lazy summer is not in my vocabulary. Despite working at a university, my summers are not downtimes because I coordinate the TRiO Ronald E. McNair Post-Baccalaureate Achievement Program which has an intensive Summer Research Institute of 27 students. Going into this job, I knew that meant that my summers would be intense too.  This year, however, is especially stressful compared to last year, because last year I had a supervisor who was highly involved and did much of the coordinating. This year, I am doing her work, plus my work from last year. Whew! It's been a great learning experience,though. I've always had trouble delegating, but I've had to do that more or else I just couldn't get it all done!

Despite all the stress, I still love this program. As an alumna, I am a success story of the program, having earned my PhD (not to brag, just to point out what the purpose of the program is and my commitment as a scholar). And now, it is truly a privilege to work for McNair and see my Scholars develop over the summer. They come in shy, inexperienced, rough around the edges, and they leave confident, skilled, and polished. I know for me it changed my life in one summer and I hope to do that for my students too.

Unfortunately, McNair and other TRiO programs are financially threatened due to federal budget cuts. The worst case scenario (in my biased opinion) is the very real possibility that ALL McNair programs nation-wide will be defunded. This would be an absolute tragedy. At my institution alone, we've seen at least 34 alumni earn doctorates in the past 5 years. These are earned by people from low-income families, who's parents did not got to college, and/or who are underrepresented in higher education. That is quite a feat!

You can help me possibly save McNair and other TRiO Programs by signing this petition.

I've personally been debating about working and having a family, and if this job is the right fit for me at this time. I'm still thinking and praying about that (and would appreciate your prayers). If this program is defunded, however, I'll be out of a job. More importantly, literally hundreds of thousands of students will be affected.

I'm fighting for this job, even if I were to eventually leave it. I'm working hard for McNair and to get the word out so the feds will keep funding TRiO programs! Thus the reference to Donna Summer's great hit:


What's up with the dude in the yellow shorts and knee guards?